If you’re going through a break up and looking for advice on how to repair a broken heart, then you must be in a really low place in your life right now. However, I want you to know that you are not alone. Everyone goes through a relationship break up at some point in their life and has to learn how to repair a broken heart they feel afterwards. Millions of songs and poems have been written about being heartbroken in attempt to deal with the wide range of emotions that we all feel after a break up: jealousy, anger, confusion, sadness and grief.
In the article and video below, you will learn how to repair a broken heart and deal with the overwhelming range of emotions that we all feel after a relationship break up.
How to Repair a Broken Heart in 5 Simple Steps
What Exactly Is Heartbreak?
People often describe heartbreak as a feeling of heaviness, emptiness, and sadness.
Lots of different things can cause the feeling of heartbreak. Some people might have had a romantic relationship that ended unexpectedly. Others might have had strong feelings for someone who doesn’t feel the same way about them. Or maybe a person feels sad or angry when a close friend ends or abandons the friendship. Although the causes may be different, the feeling of loss is the same — whether it’s the loss of something real or the loss of something you only hoped for.
How Do I Deal with Heartbreak?
Most people will tell you that you’ll get over it over time or that you’ll meet someone new, but when it’s happening to you, it can feel like no one in the world can possibly understand what you’re going through. However, it’s important to remember that BILLIONS of people have experienced the exact same feeling that you’re feeling right now. Yes, I said billions… not millions. There are 7 billion people in this world and a significant portion of them have loved and lost, got over it and loved again.
So no matter how down you may be feeling, realize that there are things that you can do to get over the heartbreak and move on with your life. In fact, I’m going to share the 5 stages of grief that we all go through after a break up and what you can do to get over the feeling of heartbreak.
Before I share the 5 stages of getting over heartbreak with you, I want to remind you that getting over a break up is not a linear process. It’s normal to go through a roller coaster of emotions and move back and forth between the 5 stages. So just acknowledge that the process may not go perfectly smoothly so that you don’t beat yourself up for experiencing ups and downs. It’s normal to have days where you’re feeling strong and confident followed by days of loneliness and sadness where you can’t stop thinking about your ex and all the things you miss about them. The name of the game is 2 steps forward, 1 step back. And as long as you’re moving forward, you’re winning.
Stage 1: Denial
In the beginning, it’s hard to accept that the break up is actually happening and your ex is really leaving. You feel shocked and you might be thinking “this can’t be happening.” You might a;sp feel numb or think you feel fine. The stage of denial is often temporary because it’s only your subconscious doing it’s best to protect you from pain. However, this feeling of denial can last anywhere from a few minutes to a few months because we all deal with the loss in our own way.
However, it’s important to confront the reality of the situation as soon as possible so that you can accept it, get over it and move on. Don’t delude yourself into thinking that your ex will come back or that you have a chance of rekindling what was once there. You don’t. It’s over. Accept it. Harboring hope will only hurt you and keep you from moving on.
Stage 2: Anger
As the feeling of shock begins to fade and you slowly start to confront the reality of the situation, it is normal to feel angry towards your ex (and towards yourself and the world around you). It’s very common to have thoughts like “how could they do this to me?” or “it’s not fair!” It’s also perfectly normal to feel like they’re doing this purposely just to hurt you. This stage can be quite intense, especially if you’re not used to feeling so angry but it’s a very necessary stage in the process of getting over a broken heart.
In fact, anger is actually a very powerful emotion that can help you get over the break up. Once you experience anger, you can be sure that you are on the right path to healing a broken heart. And the best way to move swiftly through this stage is to stop trying to control your anger. Accept that you’re angry and fully express your anger. If you try to suppress your anger, it will fester inside of you and keep you stuck. You’ll feel angry at your ex and you’ll keep lashing out at them for what they did to you. You’ll tell your story over and over to people to get them to agree with you and tell you that what your ex did to you is wrong. There’s nothing wrong with doing this at first; in fact, it’s quite normal. However, you have to get past this stage in order to move on with your life. If you don’t, you will constantly have this feeling of anger and resentment inside of you and will latch onto everything you can to support your story of how wrong it was for your ex to do this to you. Instead, let go of the anger so it doesn’t keep building momentum like a snowball rolling down the hill. There are a few different methods you can use to express your anger. I will list a few below and you can use whichever method you feel most comfortable with.
- writing all your angry thoughts into a journal
- doing rigorous exercise
- screaming into a pillow
- hitting a pillow
If you find another way to help you deal with your anger, feel free to give it a try. The most important thing at this stage is to just let out all the painful feelings inside you. I know it may be hard at first but you need to release your anger or you will get stuck in grief.
Stage 3: Bargaining
At this stage, it can be very tempting to try to get your ex to change their mind about the break up. So don’t worry if you find yourself coming up with schemes to try and get your ex back. Remember that bargaining is part of the process of getting over heartbreak, even if it feels like you’re going crazy at times.
During the bargaining stage, you may be tempted to take all the blame for how things turned out. You do this because you hope that if the problem only lied within you, then you could do something to change the future and prove to your ex that things will be different.
At this stage, you may also feel an urge to contact your ex or visit their normal hangouts or do something to get their attention. You need to resist this urge as much as possible. You will look desperate and needy to your ex and it will only push them away even further. Not only that, but they will also remember how weak and desperate you were for them to give you another chance and this is probably not how you want to be remembered. You want to be remembered as someone who handled the situation maturely by accepting the loss and moving on, rather than begging and pleading to get them back at the expense of your dignity and self-respect.
To make it easier for you to get through the bargaining stage, ask your friends for support. When you feel an urge to contact your ex, stop for a moment, and see whether you can look for a friend to comfort you instead. Your ex is no longer there to comfort you and you need to get used to that. Another thing you can do is grab your journal and write down whatever you’re feeling in the safety of your own notebook, where there is no risk of rejection or disappointment. Another thing that’s very helpful is sharing what you wrote in your journal with a close friend. I know the thought of that may seem a bit terrifying at first but sharing your deepest fears and still feeling love and accepted for who you are is incredibly healing. Regardless of what you do, the point here is that you do something to help you deal with the break up.
Stage 4: Depression
During the depression stage, it’s normal to feel very drained and low on energy. You may feel the need to isolate yourself and spend time alone. This is perfectly normal and should be allowed. There’s no need to force yourself to do anything you don’t want to. I’m sure your true friends will understand why you don’t feel like going out or partying. Tune into what you’re feeling inside and give yourself the time to heal your broken heart.
When the depression stage sets in, your mind may start having thoughts like this…
- “I’m so worthless”
- “I can’t live without them”
- “What’s the point of living without them? I have nothing to look forward to”
It is normal to feel down and depressed after a break up. Losing someone you love is a very painful process. In fact, it’s the “ultimate rejection”
Why a Breakup is the “Ultimate” Rejection
See, it’s one thing to approach someone that you’re interested in and not have them reciprocate. That stings. You put yourself out there and they didn’t care to get to know you any further.
However, investing so much of yourself into the relationship and putting yourself out there in a way that you don’t normally do AND THEN getting rejected on top of that freakin’ hurts. That’s because they’re not rejecting you for some superficial reason like your looks or what you said when you approached them, they’re rejecting you after knowing you quite intimately for a long time. It’s hard not to take that personally.
After this happens, it’s normal to get down about yourself and feel like there’s something “wrong” with you. However, you have to remember that this is a trick that your mind is playing on you and that you are not any less lovable just because one person fell out of love with you.
In order to get through the stage of depression as quickly as possible, you must express your feeling. Cry if you have to. Feel sorry for yourself. Let all those feelings out. Remember, they are just feelings and they are only temporary. That is, if you let them flow. If you don’t let them out, they will stay buried inside you and they will be permanent. However, if you confront them and express them, you will allow them to flow and you will be able to release them.
When it comes to getting over heartbreak, your journal is your best friend. Why? Because it will always be there for you and it will always give you the ability to express your thoughts and feelings. And best of all, it will never judge you. You are safe to say whatever you want in there. And once you write enough in that journal, one day you’ll find that you’re okay and no longer need to write anything in there. That’s when you know hit the fifth and final stage of healing a broken heart.
Stage 5: Acceptance
This is the stage where you realize that you are going to get through it and everything will be okay. Once you reach the acceptance stage, you’ll find yourself moving through the healing process a lot quicker. In fact you might even feel a sense of relief and freedom. It’s like a heavy burden has finally been lifted off your shoulders. You’re finally free again.
In fact, after surviving a break up, you might also have a new understanding of how strong your spirit is. After getting through all those intense thoughts and feelings, you have developed a sense of inner strength and resilience that will help you get through the hard times, no matter what they are.
You have deepened your relationship with yourself and learned to tune into your feelings and respond accordingly. You have developed a greater sense of compassion and patience with yourself that you can carry on with you in the future.
And most importantly, you have discovered that your heart has a very great capacity to love. And by going through such an intense experience, you have actually expanded your capacity to love. You are now much more mature and self-aware as a result of this experience and you can now love at a greater depth than you have before. You may not realize this right now but I promise you that you will once you open yourself back up and fall in love again. After every relationship break up I’ve had, I’ve been able to love even more deeply in my next relationship. Every heartbreak shapes you and molds you. If you get your heart broken and you choose to rebuild it, it is rebuilt that much stronger. Remember that you can never lose anything by loving. If anything, you gain a lot from the experience. You gain knowledge and wisdom. You gain maturity and self-awareness. And most importantly, you gain a greater capacity to love.
I truly hope that this article has been helpful to you and has helped you get over the heartbreak.
As my final gift to you, I want to leave you with some affirmations that you can repeat to yourself if you ever get “stuck” somewhere in the process of getting over a broken heart.
- “It is safe for me to accept change in my life”
- “It is safe for me to release my anger and depression”
- “It is safe for me to move forward with my life”
As I said before, don’t make yourself wrong anywhere along the process. It is all part of the process. Encourage yourself throughout the entire journey and notice how well you’re doing. You’re getting through it. You’re looking for answers. You’re embracing a better way day by day. Take note of this and honor yourself for doing something to better your life and move forward. Not everyone has the courage to do so.
If you’re feeling confused or frustrated about something that happened between you and your ex, click below to get my advice on how to repair a broken heart based on your situation